The Awkward and the Awesome

I’m gonna start something new. This year is going to be a big year with lots of changes for me and my family. Sometimes changes can get to you after awhile. Ultimately my focus needs to be on God—the One Who never changes. And I think I need to laugh. A lot. Laughter is good for the soul. And it I don’t laugh at myself, I will go crazy. Also,  I need to be grateful and thankful. Soooo…I’ll be randomly doing posts focusing on the awkward and the awesome things in my life. To promote laughter and a thankful heart.

So…

The Awkward.

1. My hometown is putting in a bypass—an ongoing process that never seems to end. So therefore we have endless road construction. Which makes for an interesting driving experience when one day a certain road is open and the next day it’s closed for several months. So the other day I’m driving along, not really concentrating very hard, and I started turning onto a road that I frequent fairly often (right now it has construction barrels all down the center of it). Just as I’m turning I realize that I’m turning right into oncoming traffic. Thankfully no one is very close. Thankfully I have the presence of mind to go in a big circle and get back on the right track. Awkward is the realization that there is a car right behind you, probably wandering what you’ve  been drinking. I smoothly and calmly turned off into a driveway up the road a ways and turned back around to continue on my course. “What are you looking at? Of course I have it all together!”
2. When I stop to get gas with the friend the other day, it’s freezing cold outside and I’m just trying to get this done really fast. So I grab the gas nozzle and try to put it in, only to realize that it will.not.go.in.  You know that feeling when you glance around to make sure no one is watching you act like an idiot? Then you convince yourself that you don’t care. So I continue to look like an idiot, slamming the gas nozzle into the hole of my gas tank that is just too small. My friend offers to go get a gas attendant. Then she looks at the gas tank and says, “Um..maybe it’s because that’s diesel?” I’m still smacking myself.
3. When I’m eating at a buffet restaurant (not one of my favorite things) and I stop at one buffet , eyeing the food. Suddenly the woman just beside me turns around and walks smack into me, spilling some of her food on the floor (narrowly missing my shirt). I apologize profusely for being in the way and she says, “it’s okay” and looks at me like I’m a buffalo with horns, as if she’s not the one that just walked right into me.  mm—hmm. Thanks honey, you’re a real sweetie!  Hmmm…it’s always a wakeup call when I realize how much I struggle with a bad attitude in a situation like that!

The Awesome

1. Getting a box in the mail from a friend with some of my absolute favorite things! She knows me too well—she even made me a candle that looks like a latte! Look at that—it’s got the whole layer thing going on and everything. 
2. My last winter in a cold climate for who knows how long. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m gonna miss it. There’s something about bundling up, drinking warm drinks, wearing scarves, wearing boots, doing inside things that you justify doing when you can’t work outside….yeah, I’m just gonna miss it!
3. Several coffee dates and phone chats with some of my favorite people this week.  When I think about where I would be without the people that God has brought into my life…wow. I have so much to learn, and I’m so glad I can learn from people that I respect and admire.
4. Rachelle has been giving me these fierce hugs lately. Seriously, that girl has some “oomph!” I’ll be gone for one day, or even just a couple of hours, and she’ll come flying at me so hard she just about knocks me over. Today she just about squeezed my arm off! Haha…Man, I love that girl.
5. This amazing stack of books that I’m working my way through right now. Good-ness right there. 
   
6. Do I need words? These ladies are the epitome of awesome. Yup. 
   

I was telling my Mom the other day how incredible it is for me to look back on my childhood and see how God was preparing me even then for what He has for me now. I read like crazy as a kid, and I remember that one of my favorite things to read about was Amy Carmichael’s ministry rescuing temple girls from prostitution. I thought I might like to do something like that for God someday, but never actually thought it would be possible.

My Story

When God opened the door for me to IGo (Missions training school in Thailand) back in 2009, I was excited about the doors God was opening, but wasn’t quite sure how He was leading. However, I remember having a very deep sense that He was preparing me for something big and beyond my imagination.

When I chose my ministry nights at IGo, I was torn between children’s ministry and Ransom ministries (targeting women at risk). God Sovereignly placed me with Ransom, and it wasn’t long before He began deepening the burden.

One night I distinctly remember sitting in an open field close to the area where the Ransom team was hoping to target in ministry. We were sitting in a circle on rice mats, praying together and worshipping the Father. I was at a crossroads that night, asking God, “What is it that you have for me here? What do You want me to focus on with this ministry? Is Ransom what you have for me?” It came to me so clearly that tears started coursing down my cheeks. It was one of the most real encounters I’ve ever had with God. “Yes child, Ransom is what I have been preparing you for.” And then the verse that was my “rhema” (Word from the Lord) for the year came so clearly to my mind.

I the LORD have called thee in righteousness, and will hold thine hand, and will keep thee, and give thee for a covenant of the people, for a light of the Gentiles; (Is. 42:6)

I was still doubting, to my shame. But I prayed, “Lord, if this is your will, and if you just spoke to me, could you confirm it by having someone in this circle pray for me?”

About 5 minutes later, one of the ladies on our team looked at me and said, “Can I just pray for you?” I can’t remember all that was in her prayer, but what distinctively stood out to me was when she prayed, “And Lord, whatever you spoke to her tonight, just confirm it in her heart.” Can I have a WOW??!!

So in 2010, God took me back to IGo, to complete my training. In the fall, I headed to Pattaya Thailand for an internship with the Tamar Center. It was one of the most stretching and amazing times in my life. God did a lot in my heart during that time, but I think the year following that internship was what solidified it in my heart as I processed what I had seen and experienced, and sensed God speaking to my heart through that.

God brought me home from Thailand after that internship, as God once again showed me a path different from my well thought out plans.

Last year (2011) was one of the hardest years of my life. I had a sense that God was preparing me for something big, but it was a year of intense struggle—of laying down hopes and dreams, of the death of visions, of feelings of nothingness and insignificance. I think I gave up on the dream of joining the team in Thailand. It looked so impossible, and with the family moving to Texas to start an outreach church, I felt that maybe that was the ministry God wanted me to focus on. However, looking back now, it was a time that God was asking me to lay down that dream that He had given me. How He loves to resurrect what is crucified!

In the fall of 2011, God began resurrecting that dream in my heart. And through intense struggle and prayer on my part, He brought it back to life in my heart. Through some pretty clear signs and continued confirmations and peace, it became clear to me what I needed to pursue.

So. Sometime this year, after our family makes our move to Texas, I’ll be moving again. Moving back to Thailand. Back to the ministry that God has laid on my heart so heavily. To say that I am excited is an understatement. To say that I’m scared is the truth. To say that I’m at peace is for certain. To say that I’m overwhelmed is an affirmative. To say that I sense in myself a need for God more than ever is another understatement.

But what’s exciting is the fact that He has called—He will be faithful. My word from the Lord for the year-my theme verse if you will—is this: “Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in You will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.” (Phil. 1:6)

Sometimes I am overwhelmed by inadequacy. I have nothing to offer these women in and of myself. Sometimes I wander, “What in the world am I doing? I’ve never experienced even a fraction of what so many experience every day! I have nothing!” And the truth is, that’s the truth. But I know it’s not in and of myself—it’s Christ in me. And that’s my mission. Some quotes from a book I’ve been reading spur me on:

The looks, the snide comments—particularly from the adults who are supposed to know better—make me flush with shame and cry at night. It isn’t surprising to me then that the girls go back to the familiar, where they are at least accepted, even if it means being sold and abused. Most of them really didn’t have anywhere else to go.

…I learned that leaving the life takes practice, that girls need to try multiple times without having someone give up on them.

I’ve experienced the kind of peace and overwhelming love that I’ve never felt anywhere else, and I’ve begun to believe that perhaps God really does love me. They’ve accomplished a miracle. They’ve loved me back to life. -Girls Like Us

Love. God’s love. He’s given it so freely to me. Now it’s my turn to “go into the world” and offer freely what’s been freely offered to me.

So. Sometime this year—probably this summer, I will pack my bags and follow the path God has called me to. Thailand here I come!!

I still secretly love watching a good game of football or basketball, although I rarely have or take the time to do so. But this year my focus is honed in on the Super Bowl.  For other reasons besides football.  And that has to do with an awareness that I now have that sometimes seemingly innocent events have an undercurrent that we don’t even realize! Here’s a quote from Steps of Justice:

On February 5^th, 2012, thousands upon thousands of fans will flock to Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis to attend Superbowl XLVI.  Despite all of the celebration and excitement, major sporting events like this one have a dark side – they are a known hot spot for human trafficking issues. Here is a quote from ABC news regarding last year’s Superbowl in Dallas:

“When fans flock to the Dallas Cowboys’ stadium on Super Bowl Sunday, few will be thinking about anything other than touchdowns and tailgates.

But nearby, in hotels, motels and on street corners, Texas authorities say a “dark side” will exist, one where children are sold for sex by pimps. And those sex traffickers are descending on the area.

“People are thinking of the Packers and the Steelers and the game on the field, having a good time and Super Bowl commercials. Most don’t think about a 12-year-old being forced to dance naked,” Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott told ABC News.

“There are several things at play here. There are maybe 100,000 or more coming in and out of town for a single event, and it seems to be a testosterone filled event,” said Abbott. “The Super Bowl is a magnet for child sex traffickers.”abc

On the weekend of the Super Bowl, Steps of Justice is partnering with Hope61 in Indianapolis to mount a 24 hour prayer vigil against this spiritual darkness. I have said it before and I will say it again–there are many things that you can do to fight against human trafficking, and they can be very good things. But when it comes right down to it, prayer is the single most important thing that we can do to fight. Why do I believe this so strongly?

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. (Eph. 6:12)

The most powerful darkness is not the men who are keeping this horrible institution in place. It’s not the pimps, the johns, or the corruption that is controlling them in higher places. It’s the rulers of darkness that are fighting against God, against purity, against true love. It’s the Devil and his evil angels that hate the beauty that God created when He created man and woman and pure intimacy between the two within marriage.

So let’s pray! And let’s never give up! Our God is greater than all of this corruption, and He can and will overcome the evil that seems to indestructible in this world.

And do join the 24 hour prayer vigil if you possibly can. Click here for more info and I hope to see you there! If you can’t join us there, remember that God hears you no matter where you are. Let’s rise up and be the people that God has called us to be–a people that aggressively claims the power of Jesus through prayer!

And this brings a question that I’ve been contemplating lately. If you’re reading this and wouldn’t mind sharing, I’d love to hear thoughts! But if you’re like me, it’s one of those questions that takes some time to think through. That question being, how do you enjoy God? What is something you want to do this year to enjoy God more?

~~

TODAY, see life as half-full, instead of half empty.

See how blessed you are instead of all that’s wrong.

Today, thank God for everything He’s done instead of

Telling Him all that He’s not doing or should do.

Today, love your life and forget about the unfairness in it.

At least you’re not dead. At least you have a chance. Take it.

Go all out for God. Follow your dreams.

Today, look beyond your tear-filled eyes to the one up above.

It may be raining now–but remember–there’s always

Sunshine just beyond the clouds.

Today, sing God’s’ song, even when you have no song

Left to sing. Even when the notes begin to falter. Even when

You’re singing all by yourself. Ask God for that everlasting melody.

Today, ask for God’s strength instead of trying to do

Everything on your own.

Today, choose life. And love. And laughter.

Today, bring God the the sacrifice of praise.

Even when you don’t feel like praising him, do anyway.

Bring God that sacrifice.

Today, be all that you can be, because there might not

Be a tomorrow.

Today, 

Today, remember the good in life and the good memories.

Let the rest wash away. Let Jesus heal your heart.

TODAY,

Rejoice. Because God created *you…*

Because you are special and

Have a beautiful plan to fulfill.

TODAY,

Choose God.

- – -Kelsi Barkman.

We drove, and we drove. And then for kicks, we drove some more.

Sometimes it got to be a bit much…

So we stopped and got food, cause we all know how important it is to eat lots of food when you are doing nothing but sitting and traveling all day long.

We drove through the boring flat states of Missouri and Arkansas, and finally….

We drove into Texas! Wahoo!  (or should I say “yee-haw!” ??)

Of course we had to stop at Cabela’s.

Finally we arrived at our destination!

There was much visiting to be done.

Some amazing food being cooked  up by an amazing hostess!

And much wonderful sunshine to be enjoyed.

There were friends to be made.

And there was definitely a city to be explored!

There was an Alamo to be remembered for sure.

There were resting spots to stop and enjoy friends and pose for pictures.

There were also some really cute sisters.

There were definitely some mischievous boys here and there…

There was a most beautiful river walk to enjoy.

For New Years, we stood outside at midnight and saw the most amazing display of fireworks going off everywhere all over the city. And we didn’t document it with pictures because I think maybe we were too busy either yelling, cheering, or craning our necks every direction to see where they would go off next. Or maybe we were busy running for shelter just in case the next firework went awry and ended up landing at our feet.

There was house hunting to be done.

But we got kinda tired of that…

Overall, it was just a really amazing time of connecting with friends and seeing once again God’s hand leading us in this move.

At least we know our big family will fit in, cuz as we all know, “everything’s bigger in Texas!”

So look out San Antonio, here we come!

]]> http://purposelyliving.wordpress.com/2012/01/08/584/feed/ 0 purposelyliving IMG_0193 IMG_0160 IMG_0147 IMG_0153 IMG_0174 IMG_0176 IMG_0190 IMG_0197 DSC_0697 DSC_0698 DSC_0699 DSC_0702 DSC_0723 DSC_0753 IMG_0206 DSC_0754 DSC_0771 DSC_0780 DSC_0776 IMG_0207 DSC_0828 DSC_0899 IMG_0198 http://purposelyliving.wordpress.com/2012/01/04/hello-love/ http://purposelyliving.wordpress.com/2012/01/04/hello-love/#comments Wed, 04 Jan 2012 23:34:23 +0000 purposelyliving http://purposelyliving.wordpress.com/?p=560 ]]> Have you ever heard of having a “word of the day” or “word for the year”? I heard something on the radio about it awhile back, about choosing a theme word for the year and just kind of focusing on that word. At the time it didn’t really strike me and I didn’t necessarily want to quickly choose a word and get all excited about it or something.  Sounded cute, but not really my thing.

But just the other day, it came to me. I was thinking a lot about what I want to focus on this year. What I want to be important. What I want to work on. What I want to improve upon. Mom and I have had a couple conversations about it, how important it is in life; how much we want to grow in this particular area. How important it is as Christians, and especially in reaching others for Christ. It’s probably one of the most important drawing powers that the Holy Spirit can use to draw people to Christ.

Love.

And I realized that this is what God is prompting me to focus on in 2012. Not this goo-goo, gah-gah, lovie dovie, you-love-me-i-love-you-we’re-all-happy-yay-rah kind of thing. But true, sacrificial Abba Father love. The kind that is willing to die for someone else.

Yeah. This is not for the faint of heart.

I realize as I think about it, that I just don’t have it. It’s evident with those closest to you.  It’s evident in the hardest times. And seriously, when someone snaps me off, or gives me what-for, or makes a snide remark that drives deep, the last thing I naturally feel is love. Of course I wanna make them take it and shove it and give them what-for right back atcha thank-you-very-much!

Yup. This just isn’t possible.

And then we hear another voice….You are loved more than you will ever know.…For God so loved… Love suffers long…the greatest of these is love…you are loved with an everlasting love….

If we’ve made the choice to follow Christ, we are familiar with the fact that God loves us. The sad thing is, too often it is just that—a fact. So when it comes to loving those around us, we struggle to really, truly love. When our love is tested, it quickly becomes evident how deeply it runs in our hearts…and it’s often not very deep.

How can we get a hold of that true, sacrificial love?

I don’t know all of the answers for sure. But this is the journey that I’m going to take in 2012. I intend to find out what it looks like, and to ask God to exhibit it in me.  I don’t know how He will choose to teach me, but I know that the secret lies in Him and in knowing more of His own loving, sacrificial heart.

Hosea gives a beautiful but painful picture of what this love looks like. Hosea is commanded to love a prostitute who runs away from his love time and time again. And it’s a true picture of the way the Lord loves us in our adulterous state.  And He asks us to love like that.

So here’s to an adventure in 2012! An adventure of seeing more of the deep, deep, love of the Father—and passing it on as He has called me to.

So we had a nice Christmas dinner, then exchanged gifts. We usually draw names, so that’s lots of fun…I was just really blessed this year, being with my family, having fun, enjoying togetherness. I love that we can sit around and talk about life, and laugh uproariously (mostly at Dad’s snide remarks) and just enjoy one another. I’m treasuring these moments with my family—they mean so much to me!

This was one of my favorite gifts….Dunkin Donuts French Vanilla! oo yes…yesplease.

Coming to the end of 2011—the end of a year is always a time of reflection for me.  I love how God created years and months and days so that we can measure time and reflect on what He’s done in the space of time. He’s good that way, even though He sees things so much differently Himself I think! 2012 looks exciting to me—while full of lots of challenges. I’ll be starting a new job in January, and then we’ll move to Texas sometime (not sure when—maybe Spring??). And I kinda have a feeling I’ll be moving twice in 2012…God moves in mysterious ways!! Can’t wait to see what all He has up His sleeve.

This week: Texas! We’re going down for a visit. Should be fun. Albeit chaotic and crazy at the same time—I hope we all aren’t ready to pull our hair out by the time we’ve driven the 21 hours down there with 15 people! Agghhhh…we are crazy.

This was our 2011 family picture. I like it.

Happy New Year everyone!

Here in America, we are blessed. Yes, even in spite of a suffering economy, we have so much. And so often, in spite of being blessed with so much, our response is to enjoy it and live a long and happy life as much as possible. We settle down, we love our families, we enjoy life, and we make money. But why were we chosen to be the ones who have so much?

It is because God has chosen us to have a greater responsibility. We were not blessed because we are so much better than other parts of the world. We were not blessed because we come from Christian families and we are good people. No. We were blessed to be a blessing. We were blessed to share with those who don’t have.

In many places in the world, people are bound by a caste system. I have an Indian friend whom I have watched over the years, and while I suspect she still thinks in terms of caste, there is a responsibility that she takes as one who is more fortunate than others. “I am fortunate, therefore I help those who are not as fortunate.” Muslims are required according to their five basic laws to give alms, particularly to the poor and needy. It’s a concept practiced throughout the world, albeit often with impure motives. So where are we as God’s children?

As Christians, we give, but far too often we hold back what is most valuable. What do we have that is our  most precious possession—the most precious gift? This salvation that is a free gift to us. And then Christ said, “Go into all the world and share it” (My version of the Great Commission here.)

Am I holding back the very blessing that I was given to share?

Can you hear the cry? With what we’ve been given, will we take responsibility?

A friend of mine who has a heart for Burmese is working with a group of young people who have a heart to minister to these people. Saturday I drove up to help with a photo-shoot for the families in the community. Only God had something else in mind for some reason. No-one showed up for the photo shoot except for the kids. But it was a breath of fresh air to me. Took me back to IGo ministry trips—taking pics of Asian kids and then showing them what the pic looks like, only to have them burst out laughing when they see what they look like on camera. (It’s an Asian thing—I love it.)

Getting to love on them a little, and interact with two families who invited us into their houses.  Having to rely on smiles, limited language capabilities, and little children who speak English for communication.  Experiencing their sweet hospitality and the fact that they always want to give you their best when you’re in their homes. Yup. It definitely felt like Asia.

On the way home these words were on my heart, and I’m pairing them up with some of my pics from that day.  It’s my prayer.

I will live to carry *Your* compassion

To love a world that’s broken

To be Your hands and feet

And I will give with the life that I’ve been given

And go beyond religion

To see the world be changed

By the power of Your name

 No matter where I live, I want to always be aware of those around me, just as Jesus would have. And as He lives in me, I want to be His hands and feet. Let Your Kingdom come, here in my heart. Amen.